Pyscho T

Since Mama so eloquently stated her allegiance to Team Aniston, I felt compelled to state the team I most identify with -- the North Carolina Tar Heels -- and, more specifically, Team Psycho T.

Who is Psycho T, you ask? None other than Tyler Hansbrough, the greatest player to ever grace college basketball courts. I bestow upon him this honor because of the passion, aggression and sheer will to win that he displays every second of every single game. His loves basketball, and it shows.

Some other things show when he plays -- noticeably his bulging biceps and sturdy, massively shouldered frame amply supporting that oh-so-beautiful Carolina blue uniform. It's this aesthetic reason I'm truthfully devoted to his team. A body that just won't quit coupled with a fever for Carolina wins makes for an amazingly lethal, obsession forming combination in my book.

Let's not forget his face. Yes, he's a mouth breather, and yes, there's a slight vacancy in his eyes that suggests he might not know that Somalia is a country or the difference between "there" and "their," but these things aren't important in my beefcakes and, frankly, I'm into that. He's got a baby face, and the kind of All-American good looks that compels me to think he enjoys his mother's good home cooking and a good roll in the hay.

Or at least so I hope. So here's to you #50, and may we meet again and improve upon the last and only time I saw you; you sexily sauntering from your red pick-up truck into the University Housing Office, me thankfully sitting in my car, gasping for breath as I witnessed a living god walk by me. My hope for our future encounter? You, standing beneath the court, in uniform. Me? Running from half-court, full-speed, only to leap onto you, grab hold at the shoulders, and slowly drip down, savoring.

Team Psycho T indeed.

Leading Ladies

Reese "I say y'all" Witherspoon/Anne Hathway blows... discuss.

Okay so my first post was a luvs post. I think, good, good positive way to start the mama ali blog. But now it is time for a rant. Anne Fug Face Hathaway. That B has fooled everyone into thinking she is soooo awesome. And guess what, she isn't. First of all, she can wear all the designer clothes in the world, have the best make-up artist and get that hair glossed, blown out, straightened and rolled till the cows come home and i'm still going to say, no thanks. I feel like she is basically a fug girl who did everything besides plastic surgery (i won't bring up those lips) to get prettified and the media bought it hook line and sinker. well not me Anne. not me. And, i don't think she is funny. There, I said it. She has the ability to pause the appropriate amount of time after a director creates a funny situation or sit back and let Steve Carrell deliver the comedy but puh-lease. Anne Hathaway is not funny. We all know Emily Blunt and Meryl Streep carried Devil Wears Prada. She is like a less funny version of Reese Witherspoon. And that is saying a lot, because as people know, that Reese can get on my last nerve with her interviews constantly starting out with her demurring her small town background. Um, Reese, hey there you, hi! guess what. you are not from a small town, Nashville is one of the biggest cities in Tennessee, not a one stop light town you keep describing. Also, we need to talk about how "everyone knows everyone and they ask about my mama and i bring them peach preserves..." i'm going to call bullshit. I'm sure you did know everyone and everyone knew you... at the COUNTRY CLUB. Because you, my dear, Ms. Witherspoon (who's ancestor signed the effing declaration of independence), you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, ha get it... spoon witherspoon? whatever the girl was rich as shit growing up. And, that is fine, I wouldn't judge someone for growing up wealthy any more so than i would judge someone who grew up poor. I judge for so many other reasons! I just don't like when people try to manipulate their past or who they really are to promote some sort of image that i am supposed to buy to ultimately serve their personal/professional agenda. All that said, I actually like Reese just fine. I mean, I pretty much cut out five pictures of her every time I go to the hair salon. No joke, Reese grew her hair out and got bangs, i did the same. Reese got a bob, I got a bob. She has amazing hair a smokin' figure and HATS OFF regarding the whole sex with Jake Gyllenhaal thing. I am jealous!!! sigh. Also, I thought she was pretty funny in Four Christmases. Back to what I originally was talking about... what I'm saying is, Anne Hathaway is horse-faced and I have never warmed to her. ever. I am less inclined to see a movie if she is in it. In fact sometimes I will want to see a movie and not go simply because I don't want to stare at a screen with her on it for two hours. I think she would not be fun to hang out with and I don't trust her. What the F was the deal with her ex-boyfriend anyways? And did you ever see them in interviews, they were annoying. As for Reese, I actually think Reese is probably nice. I don't know about a barrel of laughs but I think she is genuine (despite the whole "i'm a country girl" schtick/lie). So there you have it. And in closing... Kate Hudson is funnier than both of them but is probably just as bitchy as horse-face... did you hear the rumors about kate bullying AH on the set of bride wars??? amazing.

Jennifer Aniston

Surriously. Jennifer Aniston's body is smokin' hott on the GQ cover. A-mazing. I have to say, hats off for that tight toned figure. I really need to know what she is not eating and what she is doing in the gym. It is not fair. But anywho, moving on I just wanted to start my first blog posting with my declaration as a proud member of Team Aniston. I just think she's so much better than Angelina Jolie. I think she is beautiful and not all harsh and doesn't appear as though she may have been bred on another planet and then dropped on earth to steal men away from their wives.. ahem. Why doesn't Angelina Jolie smile? is it because she is exhausted from adopting five thousand kids and promoting the public image of Saint Angelina to erase the whole man-stealing episode??? Or drinking blood or making out with your brother or humping Billy Bob Thorton and then TELLING people you just humped BBT? A bit of a series of episodes, eh AJ? Anyways, I think Aniston would be a blast to like, go to the beach with and smoke cigs and pound margaritas and talk shit about crazy celebrities. And let's be honest. Jen likes to get high. She is high during at least 90% of her interviews. And i get it. those interviews are brutal. Like, so Jen, doesn't it suck that you were married to Brad Pitt the hottest man on earth and then he like, tooootally left you for that amazing hot saint? glug glug glug... s'all good, slurs Aniston. I say pass the corkscrew Jen, lemme roll a joint for ya and we will talk about the hot sex you are having with John Mayer (i heard a rumor he rocks in the bedroom) and you will convince me that he is not a douche and then i will wait until you've finished the bottle before i ask if it is okay for me to give Vince a call.