Pyscho T

Since Mama so eloquently stated her allegiance to Team Aniston, I felt compelled to state the team I most identify with -- the North Carolina Tar Heels -- and, more specifically, Team Psycho T.

Who is Psycho T, you ask? None other than Tyler Hansbrough, the greatest player to ever grace college basketball courts. I bestow upon him this honor because of the passion, aggression and sheer will to win that he displays every second of every single game. His loves basketball, and it shows.

Some other things show when he plays -- noticeably his bulging biceps and sturdy, massively shouldered frame amply supporting that oh-so-beautiful Carolina blue uniform. It's this aesthetic reason I'm truthfully devoted to his team. A body that just won't quit coupled with a fever for Carolina wins makes for an amazingly lethal, obsession forming combination in my book.

Let's not forget his face. Yes, he's a mouth breather, and yes, there's a slight vacancy in his eyes that suggests he might not know that Somalia is a country or the difference between "there" and "their," but these things aren't important in my beefcakes and, frankly, I'm into that. He's got a baby face, and the kind of All-American good looks that compels me to think he enjoys his mother's good home cooking and a good roll in the hay.

Or at least so I hope. So here's to you #50, and may we meet again and improve upon the last and only time I saw you; you sexily sauntering from your red pick-up truck into the University Housing Office, me thankfully sitting in my car, gasping for breath as I witnessed a living god walk by me. My hope for our future encounter? You, standing beneath the court, in uniform. Me? Running from half-court, full-speed, only to leap onto you, grab hold at the shoulders, and slowly drip down, savoring.

Team Psycho T indeed.