Evan Rachel Whore

Mama and I had the pleasure of seeing "The Wrestler" over the weekend. I left feeling ambigious; didn't love it, didn't hate it. One thing I'm certain of, however, is my disdain for Evan Rachel Whore. She was barely in the movie, just a few scenes really, but she managed to give me a sick feeling in my stomach every time her plain mug appeared. Why, you ask? Because the sexual tension was palpable between her character and the character of Mickey Rourke, who portrayed a daughter-father duo. I'm not sure anyone wants to fuck Mickey Rourke, let alone his movie daughter, so my hat is off to you, Evan Rachel Whore for infusing "The Wrestler" with a creepy, odd subtext like only you can.

Let's backtrack and recount the facts. She's been in, oh, I don't know, zero good movies. She dated Marilyn Manson for almost two years. For some reason, she's consistently featured, albeit sparingly, in the Bible, er, I mean US Weekly. I don't get it.

Ok, so you're a "talented" actress. Ok, so you're artistic and tortured and a free spirit, which apparently means you have the license to act in sucky movies while retaining your good actress status. Which appearently means you get to fuck a vampire and ask for the public's understanding. Which appearently means you get to have three names, one of which is for boys. I don't get it.

Bitch, you are from Raleigh, North Carolina. Now, when I think of Raleigh, I think of Bojangle's and the Wolfpack (barf) and a prediliction for the use of the word "y'all." I don't think of anything you stand for. So, you know what, here's my plan for your redemption: date a hot Southern boy, start hanging out with Lindsey (not a Southerner, of course, but a Southerner by heart and a least she knows how to have a good time) and, oh, I don't know, act in a movie that I actually like.

Until then, you're on the shit list.